Top 5 Self-Advocacy Tips and Real-Life Examples for Autistic Adults
Self-advocacy is a skill—and for autistic people, it’s often something we have to learn intentionally rather than being taught naturally. Whether it’s asking for accommodations, setting boundaries, or speaking up about your needs, self-advocacy can feel overwhelming in a world that isn’t always built for us. These five self-advocacy tips for autistic people are grounded in lived experience and meant to help you build confidence, understand your needs, and advocate for yourself in ways that feel realistic and empowering.
Reframe your language
That kind of thinking, especially when you’ve carried it for a long time, will kill your confidence. What I recommend is trying to reframe the language you use about yourself and put a more compassionate (and honest) spin on it. Instead of calling yourself “weird,” try “unique.” Instead of “bad at this,” try “this takes more effort for me.”
Remember: false thoughts can feel very real, even when they aren’t true.
Remember that you are not alone
This might sound obvious, but for many of us, asking for help is terrifying because of fear—fear of judgment, rejection, or discrimination. It took me a long time to get comfortable asking for help when I needed it.
What helped me was realizing that I have needs just like everyone else, and I’m deserving of support (how can you tell I went through therapy?). If you’re unsure where to start, ask yourself this: who in your life not only tolerates you, but actually listens to you without talking over you? That’s often a good place to begin finding support.
Know your needs
It’s hard to advocate for yourself if you don’t know what accommodations you need—or what your needs even look like. I always tell people: if you’ve met one autistic person, you’ve only met one autistic person.
Autistic people can have very different support needs, ranging from sensory processing (for example, my sensitivity to smell), to executive functioning, to emotional regulation. There is no such thing as “mild” or “severe” autism.
A simple place to start is by noticing what situations feel especially hard or draining for you. Write them down or keep a quick list. Over time, patterns start to show up—and that makes it easier to figure out what actually helps.
Stop apologizing for having needs or being passionate
Saying “sorry” implies that you did something wrong—and there is nothing wrong with setting boundaries or advocating for yourself. Yes, you might get pushback when you start doing this. But ask yourself: is it really your fault, or is it the other person’s failure to recognize that you have needs just like everyone else?
The same goes for being passionate about things—whether that’s Lord of the Rings or Star Wars (and yes, I’m guilty of apologizing when I shouldn’t). Many of us learned to do this because society has treated our needs as “special,” or made us feel like a burden for asking for basic support from managers, parents, or friends.
Try to make it a habit: when you advocate for your needs or talk about something you love, don’t apologize for existing.
Learn from others and how they self-advocate
What makes the disability community a community isn’t just the fact that we’re disabled—it’s our shared history of navigating discrimination and exclusion. There are so many disability advocates and peers who have struggled in ways similar to you. Learn from them. Connect with them.
Seeing how others self-advocate can help you realize that you’re not alone—and that there is a community out there if you’re willing to look. Finding role models can also be powerful. For me, learning about the disability rights movement made a huge difference. Advocates like Ed Roberts and Judy Heumann showed me what self-advocacy can look like at its strongest.
If you ever get the chance, read Judy Heumann’s memoir, Being Heumann: An Unrepentant Memoir of a Disability Rights Activist. You’ll quickly understand just how much of a badass she was.
Conclusion
Self-advocacy doesn’t mean being perfect, loud, or fearless—it means knowing yourself, honoring your needs, and remembering that you deserve support. Reframing your language, asking for help, understanding your needs, dropping unnecessary apologies, and learning from other autistic advocates are all steps you can take at your own pace. And if you feel afraid, remember this: courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s how you respond to it. Speaking up while feeling scared still counts. You are not asking for too much. You are not a burden. You are part of a larger autistic and disability community that has always fought to be heard—and you deserve to take up space in it, too.
Thoughts?
What do you think of this selection? Have any additional tips you want to share? Feel free to send them my way—I’d love to check them out!
About the Author
Eden Alon is a disability coach and community facilitator who works with teens and young adults with disabilities to build confidence, communication skills, and independence in everyday life. With a background in communication, advocacy, and nonprofit work, Eden has supported hundreds of people through coaching, workshops, and peer-led programs.
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