Autism Social Skills for Adults: How to Build Relationships and Make a Good Impression
Introduction
This is a guest blog written by Holden Roberts. Who is a Speaker at the Youth Leadership Forum (YLF), Advocacy Day for Access and Independence, and Greenville CAN Talks. Works at Able South Carolina, a disability-led organization for the empowerment of people with disabilities. Long-time advocate of disability rights and living independently. Also enjoys hanging out with his friends and playing strategy games!
Summary of article: Today we will be going over some tips about how to best make a good impression in professional settings. There’s a lot of factors that go into it!
Presentation tip
Most people are aware that you’ll want to present your best self in professional settings. What that means depends on what kind of job, class, or training it is. Generally it’s best to show up with clean hair, clothes, skin, and teeth as much as possible. If this is something that is a challenge for you, it’s possible to get help with learning hygiene skills and good habits from resources in your area. (You can ask Eden about what’s available, as it depends on your county.)
If you’re around others in an enclosed space and want to use artificial scents like cologne or perfume, it’s best to use them lightly. Especially if you’re around people with autism or any sort of respiratory illness. What you should wear depends on your situation, and if it’s a workplace, they may use terms like “business casual”. Don’t be afraid to ask for specific examples so you understand what is expected of you. You can also look up ‘guide to clothing formality terms’ to learn more
Conversation tips:
It’s best to refrain from discussing politics, religion, or sexual topics unless it is necessary for the setting you’re in. It can also help to try and match the energy of the people around you. If they seem happy and energetic, it may not be a good idea to complain about personal stuff at that moment. As it may make them uncomfortable, especially if they don’t know you very well. If they seem upset or frustrated, you may want to refrain from talking about how great things are going for you. As it may feel like to them that you are bragging. (Even if that isn’t your intention.) If someone is showing you videos, asking you questions with more detail than a simple greeting like “how are you”, then they want to talk to you. If you want to talk to them back, and have time to, you can show that you’re interested in what they’re saying by asking questions and giving detailed replies.
“I’m working on my thesis. I’m researching cat psychology.”
“About time someone’s figuring out how their minds work. What’d you find out so far?”
If you want to talk to them, but don’t have the time to, ask them if they can that later because you’re busy with whatever it is. It’s helpful if you say what it is you’re busy with.
“Look at this video of a cat wearing a toupee reciting the Odyssey!!"
“Sorry, I’m in the middle of something, can you show me later today?”
If you don’t want to talk to them at all, don’t say you’ll talk to them later, but rather let them know just that you’re busy and thank them for sharing whatever it was. If that doesn’t work, give them only short, boring responses and look extra focused on whatever you’re working on so they’ll get bored and leave. This is called the Stonewall Method, and is a good way to get through situations like this without needing conflict.
Likewise, if someone is giving you short, boring answers to everything you say, then it nearly always means they want to be left alone. It is best to respect this and leave them be.
“Ok, ok, uh-huh.”
(This person probably doesn’t want to chat, I should leave them alone for now.)
When in doubt, giving a short, but polite greeting to others is all you really need to do.
“Good morning, (name).”
“You too!”
(Now back to business…)
Asking questions is a good way to get to know people, and to show that you’re interested in what they’re talking about. However, you don’t want to overwhelm someone with too many questions in a row. It’s best to limit it to no more than 3 in a row. That way, the other person feels they have a chance to ask you something too, or move on to another topic they want to talk about.
“So do you have any cats yourself?”
“I do! Their names are Woodrow Wilson, Starscream, and Cookie.”
“Do you like them?”
“Sure do!”
“How old are they?”
“8, 17, and 2”
“Which one is most like you?”
“I don’t know- I was actually going to tell you about-”
“Which cat is most likely to be haunted?”
“...”
(They probably want to talk about something else now.)
You also want to refrain from asking anything too personal, as it may make them uncomfortable. Especially if you don’t know them that well.
“So cats aside, what’s your most embarrassing moment? What keeps you
up at night?”
“Excuse me?”
Conclusion
Pay attention to how others around you are acting and how they seem to be feeling. If you take these into account, you’ll make a much better impression on them
About Eden
Eden Alon is a disability coach and community facilitator who works with teens and young adults with disabilities to build confidence, communication skills, and independence in everyday life. With a background in communication, advocacy, and nonprofit work, Eden has supported hundreds of people through coaching, workshops, and peer-led programs.
Click Here to learn more on how Eden can support you or your family. Or click here to schedule a free consultation
